You made me love you

It's all your fault you know.

You made me love you.

The rugged life you live everyday stirs something inside of me that nothing else does. There is a sort of spiritual connection I have felt with you for so long. We can be together for hours, not say a single word, and it's OK. There are no arguments. We respect and enjoy each others company.

On a summer day you cradle me as the sun smiles down upon us. The wind flows like fingers through my hair. I am happy and at peace when I am with you.

It's all your fault you know ...

You made me love you ...

Renewed committments

If I were to be asked the proverbial pick-up line, "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day!" I would promptly respond that I was, and I am now going to sit down on my bench and catch my breath.

Truth is, I'm tired of running; I'm tired of seeking; I'm just plain tired. I'm going to sit down on my bench, open up my books, and read. There are places I have to be, goals I have to meet, and things that are keeping me from them. Those things hindering me are no longer a priority in my life, and I have other ways to run.

If someone wants to catch me, then let them run. They can come find me. But for now I am on a mission for something else. After this week I will have just five classes left until I complete my master's degree. In between all of that I have my project to plan and execute. I am excited for it! And I hope it all works out :D

On top of everything, it certainly has been an interesting few weeks. I spent some time away where God and I had a chat. Ok, so it wasn't a chat... It was an, "If Elder Well's can give you a list, then I can too... Here's what I want..." I am not sure how my apparent demands are going to work out, but I know something will come of sacrifice.

Sitting here, I think about sacrifice and what an opportunity/blessing it is. We are asked to give up something good for something better. I am not sure I entirely understand what it is to sacrifice. There are things I have done in my life, but I am not sure they define "sacrifice." I am a person who gets distracted easily, and perhaps my challenge in this life is to learn to master my distractions.

This last weekend I learned some things, and I know there are many areas I need to improve on. Over the next eight weeks I am going to need to learn to master discipline. The class I am taking it quite rigorous, I have to take my Art Praxis exam in two weeks, I need to start planning for my project, and who knows what else is going to come my way.

I know in the midst of it all, Heavenly Father will bless me as long as I stay faithful and on the path. God is no respecter of persons and he will never give me more than I can handle. I just need to keep reminding myself of this. The next two months are going to be challenging, and I look forward to it!

A new commitment

So, I am adding to my list. I was sitting in the temple yesterday thinking about my life and things I have and haven't done. One of the things I have never done is read the Standard Words all the way through. I feel in this I am lacking as far as my scriptural knowledge goes. So, I am setting a new goal. I am going to read the Standard Works before the end of the calendar year. I calculated it today and it's going to be 26pgs/day from today. There is a covenant that is going with this goal, but I am not going to write it here.

It is a lofty goal, but I know it is possible and will put me in a place where I need to be. The experience I know will lift me to a higher plane where I need to be. It will also help me be a better teacher. It scares the crap out of me, but I know it is possible and that the Lord will help me in my endeavor.

A reminder...

Finances:
Create a budget and live by it (I have yet to create a formal budget, but I'm doing pretty good)
Put extra money toward paying down debt
Avoid future debt by paying cash for any and all items
Start creating a savings and build it up, along with my IRA
Purchasing fast of one year on clothing, shoes, jewelry, movies, and other items (Started 7/20/09)
Avoid all other purchases unless they are an absolute need

Personal:
Idleness - Movies, computer, phone, sleeping hours
Thoughts - Unkind, the praise of man, and ought
More family time
Healthier eating - create a menu to avoid overshopping, junk, and sugars; and eat out max one time a week
Unhealthy relationships
Be obedient to the laws of the land - speeding
Drink more water and attend the gym 3x/week, or another physical activity
Maintain a clean house

Spiritual:
Read and study scriptures daily
Say prayers with meaning
Attend with earnest church meetings and classes
Seek for daily revelation and missionary experiences

Sealed ... for Time & all Eternity

What an amazing day! Elder Robert E. Wells, emeritus member of the 70, came to speak in our ward today and it was such a powerful message. It was interesting because we must have been riding the same spiritual wave. His talk was practically everything I had prepared for my lesson! So, I improvised a little and the Spirit brought it all together :)

My lesson today was "Sealed ... for Time & all Eternity". I can't say that I was most excited to teach. In fact I struggled for many days as I pulled material together, temptations from Satan, not feeling right about much, and experiencing this big dark cloud. It was not a fun experience. Because of all that opposition, I began to understand how important the lesson was.

I began the lesson with photos of temples posted up on a board. Then I asked, mostly the girls, what they planned for their weddings when they were growing up. I began to cover the temples with worldly things and pretty soon you could not see the temples at all. Knowing what we do as Latter-day Saints, what would be wrong with that picture?

Where is our focus? Are we focused on the temples? Or are we focused on all the other fan fair? Are we willing to settle for "Till death do you part"? In D&C 132, the Lord said:

7 And verily I say unto you, that the ^aconditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, ^boaths, ^cvows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and ^dsealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is ^eanointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by ^frevelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this ^gpower (and I have appointed unto my servant Joseph to hold this ^hpower in the last days, and there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the ⁱkeys of this priesthood are conferred), are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead.
15 Therefore, if a ^aman marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world.

16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in ^amarriage; but are appointed angels in ^bheaven, which angels are ministering ^cservants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.

17 For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are ^aangels of God forever and ever.

18 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that ^acovenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word; when they are out of the world it cannot be received there, because the angels and the gods are appointed there, by whom they cannot pass; they cannot, therefore, inherit my glory; for my house is a house of order, saith the Lord God.

If your marriage is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, it is null and void when you die. There is only one place where the key and authority to bind on earth and in heaven exist. God has restored them to the living prophet today to bless our lives and take us back to His presence.

I have often said that I don't want a reception. My focus is on the temple and the special promises I will make there with my future eternal companion. I don't want the headache and unnecessary expense. I will have an open house when I come home. But I am not letting other events take away form the Spirit of a day I will have waited so long for.

Go back to the Old Testament with me. In Genesis 24 Abraham sends his servant back to his country, back to the land of his fathers to find Isaac a wife. Abraham is at a loss, so his servant covenants that he will not return until he has found a wife for Isaac. The only requirement that is recorded in scripture is that she needs to be a woman from the land of his fathers, a woman of covenant lineage. There were no requirements on age, appearance, hair, complexion, weight, etc. Just a woman of covenant lineage.

The servant is at a loss. He goes to the well where the women go to draw water (odds are pretty good here, right?) He prays to God, "And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast ^aappointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master"

Elder Richard G. Scott said, " There is more to a foundation of eternal marriage than a pretty face or an attractive figure. There is more to consider than popularity or charisma. As you seek an eternal companion, look for someone who is developing the essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home.

“An essential priority of a prospective wife is the desire to be a wife and mother. She should be developing the sacred qualities that God has given His daughters to excel as a wife and mother: patience, kindliness, a love of children, and a desire to care for them rather than seeking professional pursuits. She should be acquiring a good education to prepare for the demands of motherhood.

“A prospective husband should also honor his priesthood and use it in service to others. Seek a man who accepts his role as provider of the necessities of life, has the capacity to do it, and is making concerted efforts to prepare himself to fulfill those responsibilities”

The most important part of marriage is the covenant! Rebekha was pretty, kind, and I am sure an all around amazing woman, but without the covenant nothing else matters when the portal of the grave slams shut. It won't matter if you had the trophy wife or not. It only matters where you chose to marry her.

President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Are you willing to jeopardize your eternities, your great continuing happiness, your privilege to see God and dwell in his presence? For the want of investigation and study and contemplation; because of prejudice, misunderstanding, or lack of knowledge, are you willing to forego these great blessings and privileges? Are you willing to make yourself a widow for eternity or a widower for endless ages-a single, separate individual to live alone and serve others? Are you willing to give up your children when they die or when you expire, and make them orphans? Are you willing to go through eternity alone and solitary when all of the greatest joys you have ever experienced in life could be "added upon" and accentuated, multiplied, and eternalized? Are you willing, with the Sadducees, to ignore and reject these great truths? I sincerely pray you stop today and weigh and measure and then prayerfully proceed to make your happy marriage an eternal one. Our friends, please do not ignore this call. I beg of you, open your eyes and see; unstop your ears and hear.

"An eternal marriage plus a worthy continuing consecrated life will bring limitless happiness and exaltation."

If you think you are the exception, think again. Only 1 in 7 people are baptized into the Church after marriage, and those numbers are 30 years old. Even then, it is a rocky and risky road. I lived as a child of a mixed-faith family for 16 years. It was not pleasant. I would not recommend it. Do it right the first time. Sacrifice whatever you need to sacrifice to live worthy of a companion who will love you and respect you enough to take you to His Holy House.

When a man and woman are married in the temple for time and all eternity, what are the blessings they will receive if they are true to their covenants? God extends more promises to us through the scriptures in D&C 131 and 132.

1 In the ^acelestial glory there are three ^bheavens or degrees;

2 And in order to obtain the ^ahighest, a man must enter into this ^border of the ^cpriesthood [meaning the new and ^deverlasting covenant of ^emarriage];

3 And if he does not, he cannot obtain it.

4 He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an ^aincrease.(D&C131)

19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man ^amarry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and ^beverlasting covenant, and it is ^csealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of ^dpromise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the ^ekeys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit ^fthrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s ^gBook of Life, that he shall commit no ^hmurder whereby to shed innocent ⁱblood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their ^jexaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the ^kseeds forever and ever.

20 Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from ^aeverlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be ^bgods, because they have ^call power, and the angels are subject unto them.

21 Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye abide my ^alaw ye cannot attain to this glory.

22 For ^astrait is the gate, and narrow the ^bway that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation of the ^clives, and few there be that find it, because ye receive me not in the world neither do ye know me.

23 But if ye receive me in the world, then shall ye know me, and shall receive your exaltation; that ^awhere I am ye shall be also.

24 This is ^aeternal lives—to ^bknow the only wise and true God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath ^csent. I am he. Receive ye, therefore, my law.
30 ^aAbraham received promises concerning his seed, and of the fruit of his loins—from whose ^bloins ye are, namely, my servant Joseph—which were to continue so long as they were in the world; and as touching Abraham and his seed, out of the world they should continue; both in the world and out of the world should they continue as innumerable as the ^cstars; or, if ye were to count the sand upon the seashore ye could not number them.

31 This promise is yours also, because ye are of ^aAbraham, and the promise was made unto Abraham; and by this law is the continuation of the works of my Father, wherein he glorifieth himself. (D&C 132).

How amazing is all of that?!?! If I found someone I loved with all of my heart and they loved me, and we had a family who we also loved, I don't know that I could think of the eternities without them. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “Marriage, as understood by Latter-day Saints, is a covenant ordained to be everlasting. It is the foundation for eternal exaltation, for without it there could be no eternal progress in the kingdom of God”

So... Here we are. Single. Now what? We fall in with 1/3 of the Church membership who are single. Some people are dating, some may have forgotten what it's like to go out on a date, some are on the verge of taking that next big step in their lives and making those sacred covenants with one another.

President Spencer W. Kimball said, "To you we say this: You are making a great contribution to the world as you serve your families and the Church and the world. You must remember that the Lord loves you and the Church loves you. To you women, we can only say we have no control over the heartbeats or the affections of men, but pray that you may find fulfillment. And in the meantime, we promise you that insofar as eternity is concerned, no soul will be deprived of rich and high and eternal blessings for anything which that person could not help, that the Lord never fails in his promises, and that every righteous person will receive eventually all to which the person is entitled and which he or she has not forfeited through any fault of his or her own. We encourage both men and women to keep themselves well-groomed, well-dressed, abreast of the times, attractive mentally, spiritually, physically, and especially morally, and then they can lean heavily upon the Lord’s promises for these heavenly blessings... Every person should want and plan to be married because that is what God in heaven planned for us."

I once dated a kid and we were driving down the road and he asked me where I saw myself in five and ten years. My list always had my school and career first, then family. We didn't date long after that. I always struggled with why that was so. But I learned that he was looking for someone who was planning for their life, but had their priorities straight. People now ask me what I am going to do with my master's degree. I tell them I am going to be a mom. My life will go on, but I need to make sure I have my priorities in line.

Is it scary? Heck yeah! But I know that is where my promised blessings are. I can have all the promises in the world of an eternal companion, but it won't do me any good unless I am living for those promises every day. In the General Relief Society meeting we were reminded of priorities. Are our lives so full that we don't have time for the eternal essentials of life?

"Behold, mine is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion ... in order to obtain the highest [glory], a man (and woman) must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]."

Ruminations

It's 2:45 a.m. and I should be in the middle of some kind of deep sleep cycle, but I sit here and type. I am not sure if anything will make sense, but I am not sure that I ever make sense. So many things have happened in my life over the last months. I have been a terrible journal writer, so I am sure they are memories lost to time.

A few months ago I was released from my calling. It was totally unexpected and I really felt like I was being chastised. From there I am sure people in my ward thought I was going inactive. I bounced from ward to ward for certain activities and even contemplated finding a new ward. But I didn't really feel any motivation to move in that direction, so I pulled my attitude out of the ditch and told myself to shape up. It's been an awesome road that led to changes that were most necessary in my life.

About a month later I was called into the office and I knew that my time of "rest" was up. They called me to be a Gospel Principles teacher. Santa vaca! Teaching in front of a group is certainly not one of my fortes. But I knew Heavenly Father had enough faith in me that I could do it. I have taught three lessons, and also been asked to teach in Relief Society once. It's been an interesting experience and I know that as long as I do my part, study, and prepare, the Lord fills my mouth with the words that need to be spoken.

School started about a month ago and mid-term's have already come and gone. I have some really good kids, and I have some who are just looking to get by. Realizing this, I am definitely changing my syllabus for Spring semester. Giving students too much leeway early on is not a goo thing and only seems to promote laziness. There is much yet to be learned, but I know everything is a work in process.

In November comes the nasty Praxis exam for Art, and at some later date I need to take one for Spanish. All of this and some other classes I am working on in order to obtain my teaching license. If I really pushed myself, I could have everything done by next summer. But I am not sure that will happen because I will also be working on my final project for my Master's in that time frame. So, we'll see :)

The big day to walk across the stage is May 8 up in Spokane, WA. I am excited and not so much all in the same breath. While I will be walking, I won't be completely done. It will be so nice to be done, and in the same breathe I can't believe I am already looking at PhD programs. I have one picked, but I need two years of teaching under my belt. So, we will see what life holds for me then. Crazy stuff...

Many things are happening in my life, in our house, and all around. The more I learn the more amazed I am at God's beauty and grace. We are certainly blessed to live in this time, and also challenged to choose who's side we are on. The world grows increasingly evil, while we are challenged to remain faithful and pure.

God has given me many tender mercies. Some of them I see and some of them I don't. But I am grateful for them all. Change is good, and I have had many in the last few weeks. I know that everything in my life happens for a reason, and at the appointed time as long as I am Listening and where I am supposed to be. Many amazing people have come into my life, some old and some new. How grateful I am for them and their awesome spirits!

"Friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of Mormonism," said Joseph Smith. "It unites the human family with its happy influence." How blessed we are to have brothers and sisters all around us to buoy us up in times of need. How bless we are to have the Gospel, and every reaching happiness that will help us return Home.

The Cornerstone & the Temple

George Q. Cannon said, "Every cornerstone that is laid, and every temple that is completed lessens the power of Satan."

President Uchtdorf used this quote at the Sunday morning dedication session of the Oquirrh Mtn. Temple. Later on I posted it as my status on Facebook, and someone I don't even know IM'd me and said he liked the quote. Now, as far as I can tell this dude isn't Mormon. I replied and said thanks, then closed the window.

About five minutes later, I get another message from him that says, "It sounds like something from the Bible more than a quote." I thought about all the responses I could give him, the proceeded to look up "corner stone" in the Topical Guide in the back of my Bible. Was I missing something? What little nugget was there to be found?

Well, there were scriptures about Christ being the chief cornerstone, ancient speak about a cornerstone, and that Christ was also the rock of out salvation. I sat for a minute and thought about those scriptures and this quote some more. Then it came to me, of course it's scripture. It's not only said by a servant of God, but each of those scriptures has something to do with the quote.

Christ being the chief cornerstone and coming to the earth to complete the Atonement lessened Satan's power. He is our Rock who will help us over come all things and crush Satan's influence in our lives. In Matt 21:44 we are taught, "And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken; but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder." AMAZING! :D

Then my next thought came about temples. Paul teaches us in 1 Corinthians 3:16, "Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?" Each body here on earth is here because they "overcame [Satan] by the word of their testimony" (Rev. 12:11). And each person has the opportunity to do it again. Each baby that is blessed under the proper priesthood authority, each person who makes the decision to be baptized under proper priesthood authority, each person who decides to serve a full-time mission, each couple who chooses to kneel across the altar and be sealed for time and all eternity, each time we attend the temple and do vicarious ordinances, weakens Satan's power.

While some people may not have the opportunity to attend the temple as often as they would like, they can still weaken Satan's power daily by the lives the chose to live. For those of us who live within minutes of the temple, we must act selflessly by attending as often as possible. It is a privilege to serve in the House of the Lord. It is a privilege to be on God's side of the battle and overcome Satan by the power of your testimony once again.

In the Master's hands

Caroyln Rusch wrote, "Just as every quilt has a unique pattern, so too our lives have a pattern uniquely ours. Each piece in our quilt represents a challenge we’ve had, a blessing received, a truth learned, a talent nurtured, or an experience that has helped shape us into... the person we are today—& the person we can become. Some quilts are orderly & have a precise pattern; others are crazy quilts with oddly shaped pieces & mismatched."

I think my life is the crazy, right-brained quilt. Nothing quite fits together perfectly, but somehow it makes up the tapestry that is my life. There are many things I have pondered in the last little while like: starting another career, school, a PhD, boys, church, etc.

Only God knows what my ending quilt will look like, and I trust it into his hands. This week I have allowed something of small eternal significance bother me and keep me from the things I needed to do. I finally went where I knew I should have gone in the first place: the temple. That is my place of refuge from the world and it is there that I feel at peace with myself.

There is something about simply walking through the doors. I feel a change in spirit and in my own countenance. Suddenly, the weight of the world is gone and the issues that plague me retreat. In the temple is where I feel my Saviors love the most. In the temple is where I feel close to heaven but for a small moment.

I left with the feeling that if my closure comes, it comes. If not, life will still go on and I must chose if I will go on living or stay stagnate where Satan would like me to be. There is too much to be done with such a small amount of time for me to wallow in self-pitty and they "what could have been's."

Tomorrow will be the first square in a new part of my tapestry. I must admit I am nervous. In the same breath, I have to remember that this is where God placed me and he will make me equal to the task so long as I keep my trust in him. He is the matter potter, the all-knowledgeable God of this universe. He knows how to help me grow and become a potter not only of clay, but of the lives of the students who walk through my door and myself.

I am amazed sitting at the potter's wheel and feeling earth and water slip through my hands. There is something soothing about mastering a piece of clay with patience and forming it into a work of art. Though there is sometimes grit from the sand, the organic nature of the creation is awe-inspiring. Just as clay has an elastic memory, our spirits have a memory little by little of who we once were.

I think of how excited I get when I finish a piece of pottery. How God must feel as we are shaped and molded into the people he knows we are. We go through many transformations and firings before the final product is complete. I submit I will always me moldable, and perhaps one day leather hard for continued refinement.

Anywhere

I watch this video and sometimes think it could be me. Not that I am going to marry a prince, but that I will find that someone who will change my life and I his. Maybe it is someone I already know... Only time will tell, and until then I want to be "Anywhere."